July24 443pm
I finally listened to this band my sister listens to called Otep, the song was Warhead. Surprisingly a very poswerful and opinionated Political message lol, still death metal though. It sounds like crap, some bleach blonde psycho femme singing death metal isn't something I'd really listen too very often, but I was interested by the fact that their incoherant screaming was actually about Bush's war and the fear tactics floating through America's media.
Completely blown away lol. I still wouldn't listen to it, but maybe I have a new lingering respect for some of the new death metal bands hehe. *Runs off to listen to Slipknot's Wait and Bleed like a good lil hypocrit.*
OH! And last night (more on my sister's music) I had been listening ot LaunchCast and went back to rate the songs I had heard and one of them turned out to be "Join Me" by H.I.M (his Infernal Majesty), a band Janine had been asking me about before. I checked out the video on Launch.com, and it was very stereotypical "I'm SO GOTh, IM DEAD!!", but there was something haunting and curious about the song itself. I liked it. The whole feel reminds me of a type of life I used to find interesting, but there's something more than that in the music, not sure what it is. I'll have to listen to them a few more times to understand lol.
Friday, June 25, 2004
Monday, June 21, 2004
(X) Lil in the dumps
June21, 2oo4. 3.10 PM
Do you ever notice yourself becoming completely obsessed with something, something that you know you would enjoy and have fun with, but that you realize you are putting too much effort (or money) into it? I notice myself doing that all the time, and I realized why a while back. I have nothing else to do. Well, I give myself nothing else to do. I have no job (which I miss hating, and I miss the saving up and being able to afford the things that I occasionally get when I do have money.) I have no friends or night life (Lodi: Beautiful but Empty!) I have no working phone (in case I wanted to become a hopeless phone bug, which could be nice sometimes! ;) ) And all I really have to keep me occupoed are school, the few games that I DO play when I get around to playing them, and whatever I happen to be doing on the internet at that point in time.
Lately, its Neopets. Don't get me wrong! I play Neopets even when I'm not depressed! I just don't go nuts and do things like decide I need to collect all the TCG (trading cards) and thus buy all the little games to get them *for shame.* I do however have games online that I like to play and pets that I love raising and feeding (think online Tomagotchi, but cuter.) So why do I run off and spend money that I don't have or the little that I do on things that I KNOW that I won't really use or need before I buy them? Because I have nothing else to do! Sigh, I want to feel like I have a hobby, a purpose! And with no job and tons of freetime (barring school) I'm not smart enough to make things for me to do. Alright, so I am. But the Neopets thing was highly addictive, but yes the card thing was a little out of hand. It became a Beanie Baby thing you know, "OOOH! Must have! Why? Because I have no life!" ARRG!!
I do have things to do now, and I notice myself doing more of those things and less of the rampant buying junk. However, I will still get my Shoyru! (And maybe some Scorchio..) See, I'm a Dragon fiend lol, so I can't help feeding an age old habit with a new brew ;)
I'm just whining lol... OH and such I have to whine about. The weeks I get to spend in Phx with my family and friends are almost like lifesavers! I love when Kimberly and I go to movies, or when we can get the whole family to go out on an adventure somewhere (which George however has mostly not been able to participate in due his work schedule.) But those things save me while I'm here. But Phx! Where if I'm bored I can call up Cassie or Tyler or Zach, and if they have some free time go hang out with them. Granted they work, and yes their free time is highly scheduled and YES it's its own little rut initself, but it's a rut with THINGS TO DO OUTSIDE THE HOUSE lol. Gaming at game places, movies at friends house, even just the hanging outside in the parking lot and stealing Zach's slushies is a wonderful thing. I just miss people sigh. Doing things outside the house with people.
I wish I knew what to do exactly with school. I have an idea, but the path seems to keep changing, so tomorrow I'm going to the school to drop in on a counselor and get an iron-clad plan of attack. AND see why they refuse to give me RESIDENCY! Yep, denied heh. Pansies...
oh, I'll let you alone and maybe go fix my webpage. Its looking up and up lol, still empty ;) and about to get emptier (need to prune back the giant load of photos I have on Dad's server.) But It should start coming together at some point lol.
Do you ever notice yourself becoming completely obsessed with something, something that you know you would enjoy and have fun with, but that you realize you are putting too much effort (or money) into it? I notice myself doing that all the time, and I realized why a while back. I have nothing else to do. Well, I give myself nothing else to do. I have no job (which I miss hating, and I miss the saving up and being able to afford the things that I occasionally get when I do have money.) I have no friends or night life (Lodi: Beautiful but Empty!) I have no working phone (in case I wanted to become a hopeless phone bug, which could be nice sometimes! ;) ) And all I really have to keep me occupoed are school, the few games that I DO play when I get around to playing them, and whatever I happen to be doing on the internet at that point in time.
Lately, its Neopets. Don't get me wrong! I play Neopets even when I'm not depressed! I just don't go nuts and do things like decide I need to collect all the TCG (trading cards) and thus buy all the little games to get them *for shame.* I do however have games online that I like to play and pets that I love raising and feeding (think online Tomagotchi, but cuter.) So why do I run off and spend money that I don't have or the little that I do on things that I KNOW that I won't really use or need before I buy them? Because I have nothing else to do! Sigh, I want to feel like I have a hobby, a purpose! And with no job and tons of freetime (barring school) I'm not smart enough to make things for me to do. Alright, so I am. But the Neopets thing was highly addictive, but yes the card thing was a little out of hand. It became a Beanie Baby thing you know, "OOOH! Must have! Why? Because I have no life!" ARRG!!
I do have things to do now, and I notice myself doing more of those things and less of the rampant buying junk. However, I will still get my Shoyru! (And maybe some Scorchio..) See, I'm a Dragon fiend lol, so I can't help feeding an age old habit with a new brew ;)
I'm just whining lol... OH and such I have to whine about. The weeks I get to spend in Phx with my family and friends are almost like lifesavers! I love when Kimberly and I go to movies, or when we can get the whole family to go out on an adventure somewhere (which George however has mostly not been able to participate in due his work schedule.) But those things save me while I'm here. But Phx! Where if I'm bored I can call up Cassie or Tyler or Zach, and if they have some free time go hang out with them. Granted they work, and yes their free time is highly scheduled and YES it's its own little rut initself, but it's a rut with THINGS TO DO OUTSIDE THE HOUSE lol. Gaming at game places, movies at friends house, even just the hanging outside in the parking lot and stealing Zach's slushies is a wonderful thing. I just miss people sigh. Doing things outside the house with people.
I wish I knew what to do exactly with school. I have an idea, but the path seems to keep changing, so tomorrow I'm going to the school to drop in on a counselor and get an iron-clad plan of attack. AND see why they refuse to give me RESIDENCY! Yep, denied heh. Pansies...
oh, I'll let you alone and maybe go fix my webpage. Its looking up and up lol, still empty ;) and about to get emptier (need to prune back the giant load of photos I have on Dad's server.) But It should start coming together at some point lol.
Friday, June 11, 2004
(X) Beanie Banies
June11, 2oo4
Thiscute lil Baby Scorchio was found in a Carlton Cards shop in Metro mallwhen Dad and I were wandering around before we went to Chik-Fil-A. : DI hadn't woke up early enough to really do anything else, so wewandered over to Jess's parent's place to leave her a note with mynumber and then went to mall. The first place we went into was aFuzziwigg's in which I purchased my first new Beanie Baby in a while,alright I think it's only my third real Beanie Baby anyway lol. I havethe first brown dragon with red wings, the white unicorn, and now 
LEGEND! The Purple Dragon born on DEC9 (my mom's bday lol.) Realizingthat I probably should have bought my mom one since it is her influencethat made me love dragons. : )
Thiscute lil Baby Scorchio was found in a Carlton Cards shop in Metro mallwhen Dad and I were wandering around before we went to Chik-Fil-A. : DI hadn't woke up early enough to really do anything else, so wewandered over to Jess's parent's place to leave her a note with mynumber and then went to mall. The first place we went into was aFuzziwigg's in which I purchased my first new Beanie Baby in a while,alright I think it's only my third real Beanie Baby anyway lol. I havethe first brown dragon with red wings, the white unicorn, and now LEGEND! The Purple Dragon born on DEC9 (my mom's bday lol.) Realizingthat I probably should have bought my mom one since it is her influencethat made me love dragons. : )Dad and I enjoyed our Chik-Fil-A, and got some goodies from Hot Topic (I got some neat pins for my lil side bag, and I got a LAST UNICORNshirt lol. I love it. : ) It was a good expensive day with dad lol. Therest of the day was fun as well hanging out with Tyler, Jebus and Dojo.
Wesnagged Dojo up and wandered off to see Max's new place (of which therewere KITTEN's within lol. We all decided by a vote that we would go seeShrek2 (Ty wanted to see Soul Plane) and we headed to Starbuck's first(where Dojo kindly purchased me a Rasberry Mocha Frapp. The movie wasGREAT by the way, but Fedde and Justin never showed up. We found outafterwards that Justin had locked his keys in the car and had to waitfor AAA lol. The four of us headed out to TGIFriday's for some soda andappetizers and just hung out. (I got a wonderful call from George, Ihad been missing him during the movie. All that True Love stuff ya know;) So it was great to get to hear his voice hehe. )The rest of thenight we adventured through the dark paths behind all the houses (ofwhich we're going to see today in the daytime today.) It was wonderfulto get to hang out with everyone! We also plan to do some kareoketonight (which we've been trying to arrange since Tuesday!
Tuesday, June 8, 2004
(X) Visiting Home
4.06am June08
Wouldn't you know it: In California I fall asleep only half covered with a fan blowing on me after in an unnaturally cool and rainy May, and I'm sitting here on my parent's couch in Arizona, freezing in June. Oh sure, the days are warm enough, (still kinda springish, not sweltering yet) but still, it's not normal to be this cold lol. Darn swamp cooler does better than I remember it lol, or maybe it's just the constant blowing into the living room splashing right onto my little couch hehe.
Today was a pretty good day. Almost a waste of a day I did so little, but it was nice that way. Oh I can do nothin in Cali too lol, but it's the change of scenery that makes the nothing more substantial >wink<. I asked to be woke about 8-10, and I think Mom tried once and then went to do her Wikki work, so I slept until I woke around noon. I piddled around watching cartoons with Jeremy and then hopped on Dad's com to tell George that I loved and missed him. Dad fixed the DSL so I could get it on my computer and I rushed to do my dailies (Neopets and Bolt) while talking to George. Tyler came over and we had some of my sister's Crock Pot Stew (delicious I tell you.) While all that sounds like I did very little, it was nice to be doing it here. I missed cartoons with Jeremy (Even though he still watches Pokemon and some show where a kid is a superhero called Static. But I like Neopets, so I guess I'm the pot today.)
When Tyler kidnapped me we wandered over to a Net Cafe (a gaming place lol) where we played Unreal Tournament 2oo4 with the guys (I wasn't doing too shabby with that Lightning Gun. I had myself a Killing Spree, a "Rage" and even one Head Shot lol.) We also played a Nam map for Battledfield 1942, and I really prefer Half Life's Day of Defeat mod instead. I never seem to like the Battlefield ones, maybe the maps are too big, but I have trouble finding people to kill, and getting used to how things work. Although, if there's one thing that I wish that the Half Life mod did, its the Microphone speech to the other players. They probably do somehow... It was fun though. We also watched the guys do a little DDR (I didn't join in since it's been awhile and I didn't want to make myself look like a fool lol.)
After the place closed we hung out in front of it and shot the bull lol. It was really nice just to hang out in the obligitory Parking Lot Circle and chat and joke and just relax. I know they're kind of bored of it cause they do it all the time, but like I mentioned earlier: Doing something not so exciting can be wonderfully relzxing when it's in a change of setting. So it was nice. :) Plus the guys are really fun to talk to. They remind me of my own Group in high school (granted a couple of the guys ARE from my group in hs, lol. The other people are Group-Like group from DV (eeewww Skyhawks...) After that we went to Ray's Pizza and munched while chatting about anime, movies, books, Garrick's Guide for the Metrosexual (we all question Garrick...) and caught a lil of whatever was on the TVs lol. Once again when the place closed we hung around and chatted until we got a call from DB saying that his car broke down and we rushed to help lol. We rushed to his aide lol, and then chatted for a while in front of the 7-11 he had pushed his car in front of lol. (I called my dad to give DB some advice on what might be going on) and we all decided through our cross interests that we'd sometime this week hang out at DB's house and watch Garrick's Hellsing. A vampire anime that I've been meaning to get around to watching. I really can't wait lol. I love movie nights!
So tomorrow Mom and I are supposed to hang out. It will be fun. I miss my mom when I'm in California. I know that nothign really happens here at home and that if there was a major change somehow that I'd be notified, but there's something about not seeing your mom or dad or siblings for 6 months that kinda makes you miss the humdrum normalcy of their presence and daily goings-ons. I'm weird I know. It's funny listening to Zach talk about how he can't wait to get out of Arizona, and here I am shelling out cash all the time to come back to it lol. Granted it is for the people, but also for the life. We live in such a small place out there that there doesn't seem to be the resources that there is out here. Oh sure, there's a net game place (I've never been in it, I don't know anyone out there to play with!) And there is a great lil movie theatre, and even a whole chain of places to eat. But it feels less active somehow...
Anyway, I'm babbling. I'm tired lol, and I miss George. I also miss all the files i left on my computer, that I THOUGHT I had moved onto my usb key but apparently didn't. SO, I can upload what I have, except that the parts I don't have are the pages that will get readers to the parts I DO have. So I've messed up the index of my webpage for a week lol. Nothing new Readers, right? ;) I'll just continue updating the bits I have, and maybe when I can get back and get it all uploaded it will start looking like a real website again lol.
Wouldn't you know it: In California I fall asleep only half covered with a fan blowing on me after in an unnaturally cool and rainy May, and I'm sitting here on my parent's couch in Arizona, freezing in June. Oh sure, the days are warm enough, (still kinda springish, not sweltering yet) but still, it's not normal to be this cold lol. Darn swamp cooler does better than I remember it lol, or maybe it's just the constant blowing into the living room splashing right onto my little couch hehe.
Today was a pretty good day. Almost a waste of a day I did so little, but it was nice that way. Oh I can do nothin in Cali too lol, but it's the change of scenery that makes the nothing more substantial >wink<. I asked to be woke about 8-10, and I think Mom tried once and then went to do her Wikki work, so I slept until I woke around noon. I piddled around watching cartoons with Jeremy and then hopped on Dad's com to tell George that I loved and missed him. Dad fixed the DSL so I could get it on my computer and I rushed to do my dailies (Neopets and Bolt) while talking to George. Tyler came over and we had some of my sister's Crock Pot Stew (delicious I tell you.) While all that sounds like I did very little, it was nice to be doing it here. I missed cartoons with Jeremy (Even though he still watches Pokemon and some show where a kid is a superhero called Static. But I like Neopets, so I guess I'm the pot today.)
When Tyler kidnapped me we wandered over to a Net Cafe (a gaming place lol) where we played Unreal Tournament 2oo4 with the guys (I wasn't doing too shabby with that Lightning Gun. I had myself a Killing Spree, a "Rage" and even one Head Shot lol.) We also played a Nam map for Battledfield 1942, and I really prefer Half Life's Day of Defeat mod instead. I never seem to like the Battlefield ones, maybe the maps are too big, but I have trouble finding people to kill, and getting used to how things work. Although, if there's one thing that I wish that the Half Life mod did, its the Microphone speech to the other players. They probably do somehow... It was fun though. We also watched the guys do a little DDR (I didn't join in since it's been awhile and I didn't want to make myself look like a fool lol.)
After the place closed we hung out in front of it and shot the bull lol. It was really nice just to hang out in the obligitory Parking Lot Circle and chat and joke and just relax. I know they're kind of bored of it cause they do it all the time, but like I mentioned earlier: Doing something not so exciting can be wonderfully relzxing when it's in a change of setting. So it was nice. :) Plus the guys are really fun to talk to. They remind me of my own Group in high school (granted a couple of the guys ARE from my group in hs, lol. The other people are Group-Like group from DV (eeewww Skyhawks...) After that we went to Ray's Pizza and munched while chatting about anime, movies, books, Garrick's Guide for the Metrosexual (we all question Garrick...) and caught a lil of whatever was on the TVs lol. Once again when the place closed we hung around and chatted until we got a call from DB saying that his car broke down and we rushed to help lol. We rushed to his aide lol, and then chatted for a while in front of the 7-11 he had pushed his car in front of lol. (I called my dad to give DB some advice on what might be going on) and we all decided through our cross interests that we'd sometime this week hang out at DB's house and watch Garrick's Hellsing. A vampire anime that I've been meaning to get around to watching. I really can't wait lol. I love movie nights!
So tomorrow Mom and I are supposed to hang out. It will be fun. I miss my mom when I'm in California. I know that nothign really happens here at home and that if there was a major change somehow that I'd be notified, but there's something about not seeing your mom or dad or siblings for 6 months that kinda makes you miss the humdrum normalcy of their presence and daily goings-ons. I'm weird I know. It's funny listening to Zach talk about how he can't wait to get out of Arizona, and here I am shelling out cash all the time to come back to it lol. Granted it is for the people, but also for the life. We live in such a small place out there that there doesn't seem to be the resources that there is out here. Oh sure, there's a net game place (I've never been in it, I don't know anyone out there to play with!) And there is a great lil movie theatre, and even a whole chain of places to eat. But it feels less active somehow...
Anyway, I'm babbling. I'm tired lol, and I miss George. I also miss all the files i left on my computer, that I THOUGHT I had moved onto my usb key but apparently didn't. SO, I can upload what I have, except that the parts I don't have are the pages that will get readers to the parts I DO have. So I've messed up the index of my webpage for a week lol. Nothing new Readers, right? ;) I'll just continue updating the bits I have, and maybe when I can get back and get it all uploaded it will start looking like a real website again lol.
(X) Various Life :D
2:16 aM 6/7/04
Oh what a week. Last week Tyler came to stay with us in California. It was wonderful lol, We hadn't seen him in a while (George longer than I as I went to Phx a while back.) We got to hang out and get up to date. Zach came out on Friday, so we all got to chill out together again. The only thing missing was Mike (away in some other state. Sniff.) Kimberly and I had gone shopping and bought all kinds of junk food for the weekend with all the guys. Ty and George demolished a good portion of it before Zach even got there lol. I made a cake for an early birthday celebration for Tyler (who's bday is June12) and when everyone was in we iced it and decorated it. Tyler did most of the decorating actually. There was so much sugar crystals and sprinkles on that cake that Zach commented that it looked like a "giant poptart." It was delicious though hehe, deadly, but delicious.
That Saturday (which George had wrestled to get free) we were sort of planning to go to the Muir forest, since Zach and I had gone before with Kimberly and Russ, but Tyler wasn't there and George had to work. As it happened, Russ ended up on call for his job and couldn't go anywhere (just in case he was called in.) So instead we all hung out and played WarCraft II. I wasn't sure I wanted to at first (I'm not really good at those kind of games heh.) It was actually fun though. The first time Zach George and I allied and I was trying to get Tyler to join (and he was going to) when Zach just barreled through and massacred him lol. And being on their side I sent in my dragons and completed the massacre. IT WAS ZACH'S FAULT! lol I'M INNOCENT I TELL YOU! We three beat on Russ til he was gone (but for a few mages hiding out in Kimberly's camp) and then sent everything we could to get Kimberly. It just wasn't gonna happen, Kimberly was too well defended WITH MAGES and too strong WITH MAGES and she exhausted our forces and gold. She won lol.
Oh what a week. Last week Tyler came to stay with us in California. It was wonderful lol, We hadn't seen him in a while (George longer than I as I went to Phx a while back.) We got to hang out and get up to date. Zach came out on Friday, so we all got to chill out together again. The only thing missing was Mike (away in some other state. Sniff.) Kimberly and I had gone shopping and bought all kinds of junk food for the weekend with all the guys. Ty and George demolished a good portion of it before Zach even got there lol. I made a cake for an early birthday celebration for Tyler (who's bday is June12) and when everyone was in we iced it and decorated it. Tyler did most of the decorating actually. There was so much sugar crystals and sprinkles on that cake that Zach commented that it looked like a "giant poptart." It was delicious though hehe, deadly, but delicious.
That Saturday (which George had wrestled to get free) we were sort of planning to go to the Muir forest, since Zach and I had gone before with Kimberly and Russ, but Tyler wasn't there and George had to work. As it happened, Russ ended up on call for his job and couldn't go anywhere (just in case he was called in.) So instead we all hung out and played WarCraft II. I wasn't sure I wanted to at first (I'm not really good at those kind of games heh.) It was actually fun though. The first time Zach George and I allied and I was trying to get Tyler to join (and he was going to) when Zach just barreled through and massacred him lol. And being on their side I sent in my dragons and completed the massacre. IT WAS ZACH'S FAULT! lol I'M INNOCENT I TELL YOU! We three beat on Russ til he was gone (but for a few mages hiding out in Kimberly's camp) and then sent everything we could to get Kimberly. It just wasn't gonna happen, Kimberly was too well defended WITH MAGES and too strong WITH MAGES and she exhausted our forces and gold. She won lol.
The second time Zach George and I were on a set team and Ty Russ and Kimberly were on the other. Once we had sufficiently killed the computers (which in itself took FOREVER and SOOOO much resources, Zach and I went after Russ while George finished off the south computer and started defending from Kimberly's advances. Zach and I managed to beat back Russ and actually eliminate him (GO US) and then we headed south to work on Ty and Kimberly. When we all managed to kill Kimberly we tried to finish off Ty. We destroyed all of his buildings and couldn't figure out why he wasn't dead. He had hidden peons in some small corners behind walls and we hadn't approached them, we didn't think they were important!
Today (still Sunday to me) Zach, Tyler and I got on a plane and flew home to Arizona. It was a long day lol. I woke up, finished packing, went to lunch with everyone at a great Mexican place, and then we played Crimson Skies until we had to go. We went to the airport and got all checked in, and we were off. (I had to hug George about a million times! I miss him already and I've only been gone approx 10 hours.) We got a Starbucks coffee and hung out until we got on. We landed about 8pm and the Phoenix landscape is beautiful with all the lights in the night.
We were picked up by Janie (Tyler's mom) and we got to drive home with Jim and his daughter. It was neat to see everyone. We stopped off at Ty's house to get his car and then we dropped off Zach. Tyler dropped me off and the rest has yet to be seen. Oh, including my internet lol. Dad is working on fixing the network as I write this, so this is written before it's been posted. I'll try to get updates in when I can. :D
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